Disciplining is not for the weak

And I am very, very weak. We’ve had three incidents now (in two days), three deliberate, calculated behaviors that went directly against what I told Ava she could or couldn’t do. Time out wasn’t appropriate, only a well-thought-out, logical consequence would do. And she wailed, oh the wailing! For about 40 minutes Ava sobbed and wept and let me know without using words that I was the most horrid, detested mother on earth.

For sneaking the mint under the table that I said she couldn’t have until after dinner last night, she is not allowed to have mints for a week. For sneaking the Root Beer smelling lip gloss when I told her to put it away and not put any on because she already had two other flavors on, she lost the privilege to have computer time tonight. That’s the one that really did it. She started with the lip quiver, then a little whimper, and on to a full-fledged wail.

It was truly sad to see and I felt both terrible and proud that I was teaching her right from wrong, honestly from dishonesty. But, still, I kind of wish parenting didn’t involve this part because it is really hard for me to see her so unhappy.

We did celebrate twice in the past two days when she told the truth instead of lying. She admitted that she ate the mint last night and today when I asked her if she dressed herself in the morning, she started to say yes, but then admitted that she didn’t (she gets a privilege for dressing herself).

We had quite a lovely evening after the disciplining was over. She’s such a pleaser and didn’t do anything the rest of the evening that might have even made me frown. While it’s hard to see her upset, consequences and time outs work very well for her and we rarely have to use them. Thank goodness- I don’t think my heart could take it if I had to do it more often.


2 Responses to Disciplining is not for the weak

  1. Lisa & Clara says:

    Sigh. Again, welcome to my world. Maybe it will help you stand firm to imagine the eye rolling, smirking face that is the flip side of the heart wrenching wails because believe me, once Ava figures out you are standing firm, she will switch tactics and give the attitude instead. Something must be in the air because Clara has been particularly defiant lately: sneaking the laptop under the table after I told her she couldn’t use it without asking permission (and that we were not to use it today); walking out the door at martial arts class after I told her to wait; and then rolling her eye and pulling a face while I was talking to her about listening and being respectful when someone is talking to you (this, while she was in time out for another infraction). But know that today it is lipbalm, tomorrow it could be taking the car out at night with other teenagers and so it is good she knows you say what you mean and you mean what you say. Hugs. I wish I was more compassionate and less irritated by my darling child 🙂

  2. Nathan says:

    What’s the saying? Stopping Hitler at Munich?

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